Who Bares The Shame?

by | May 16, 2013

2 Samuel 13:15-19  Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her.  And Amnon said to her, “Get up!  Go!”  But she said to him, “No my brother, for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me.”  But he would not listen to her.  He called the young man who served him and said, “Put this woman out of my presence and bolt the door after her.”  Now she was wearing a long robe with sleeves, for thus were the virgin daughters of the king dressed.  So his servant put her out and  bolted the door after her.  And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore.  And she laid her hand on her head and went away crying aloud as she went.

Have you ever been a victim of abuse or do you know someone who has?  I am glad that here in America we have a court system that says the accused is innocent until proven guilty because there are times that someone is accused and they never committed the crime but I am appalled that the victim is often forever “guilty”.  The shame that can be attached to coming out and saying what has happened can be worse than trying to live with it alone.  When I was in my early 20’s I lived at a friend of mine’s parents house (I worked for her Mom around the house and had a full time job)  The man of the house did some inappropriate things so I left and when I told the preacher of the church I was attending he not only blamed me but he told me I was never to tell anyone about it including my parents (the man worked in the youth group there).  I was horrified and as the word spread through the church I lost friends and was treated like an outcast, so I moved back to Northern Michigan and told my parents.  My Dad, was livid and called the pastor and gave him a piece of his mind, of course!

Now, what I faced was nothing compared to what most victims face, but my point is this; God cares about what you are going through and you are not to blame.  The reason they said I was to blame was because I wore pants in front of the man……. hmmmmm, seems like a stretch but that is how ridiculous most of the accusations against the victims are, “if you didn’t do this – they wouldn’t have hurt you”.  NO!  There is a little thing called self control and you are not responsible for someone else’s self control, they are and they will answer to God for their lack of it!  We as ladies should always strive to be modest in the way we dress but I can almost guarantee you that if  someone has that tendency it isn’t going to be based on what you are wearing, unfortunately they need professional help.

Now, here’s the other side of that whole picture – what happened to the man in the church?  Did he receive the help he needed or was it all swept under the rug to save face?  I have no idea but I feel bad that he was obviously struggling and needed someone to walk with him and show him how to grow beyond his lack of self control.  I forgave him a long time ago and hold no ill will toward everyone involved in that whole process but as the body of Christ we need to reach out to both sides and bring people to Christ in the situation for healing where healing is needed and repentance and spiritual growth where it is needed.  God is not a god of confusion and he wants to bring healing and restoration to all of us.

God loves you, He has kept track of your every tear.  He wants to hold you and heal your heart and the hurts you have experienced.  Don’t shut Him out because of your pain – embrace His love and healing today!  Ask Him to help you to forgive those who have hurt you, it is one of the first steps in the process of healing.  God wants to help you to be all He created you to be and He can accomplish that regardless of anything you have done or anything that has been done to you!  Allow Him to start today!

Quote:  “Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response.”  Mildred Barthel